Day 109: The Straw That Broke It

Something is poking me as I climb. A few days ago I assumed it was my shirt riding up, and I kept pulling it down, flattening my clothes against my sticking-out spine. Yesterday I realized it is not my clothes, it is my pack, something jutting out of the lower back area.
And today I realized (as I was too tired and distracted during each break yesterday and today, until camp) that I have snapped my pack’s support. Over these 1,500 miles I have literally broken my pack. 

 My body is shrinking, my shoes have lost all their airiness, my clothing is stained, my socks have holes. And now, I have snapped my pack. This trail is rough, I suppose.

I am camping at the top of a ridge, a storm seems to be approaching, a mouse is running over my tyvek, scaring me badly. I just jumped up and yelled aloud, terrorizing both of us. 

 I have no service, but I just got a text from Boomerang on my Delorme (GPS tracking and SOS device — totally awesome thing, but terrible, awful company/customer service [review to be coming soon]).

“I am wrapping you up in my love and thoughts,” it reads.

A warm happy glow comes over my body. The wind buzzing over the ridge stops, the mouse yields its terror inducing power, my tuckered out body relaxes into the feeling. I am safe, I am loved, I am happy.

Today was a beautiful day, the trail erupting over ridges to show vast expanses of hill after glorious hill. I like it here, in Northern California, even after all my moaning and anticipation of Oregon. 

 I am loved. I am safe. I am happy.

When I talk to my mom she reminds me that she surrounds me in light each morning. She wakes early, and is on the East Coast, so the sweetness engulfs me while I am sleeping.

Tonight, memories of all the support and inspiration you all give me sends rush after rush of gratitude over me. It is during the dark times that I find out how much love is in my life.

And even this trail, in its strange way, shows me I am loved. It only ever presents me with challenges I can overcome. It always offers up wondrous sights and sounds. And it never, never leaves me alone. 

 I play some love songs, weaving them into the romance that the trail and I are playing out. What would our movie look like? A drama? A rom com? A tragedy? Perhaps all of the above.